Retired Nomads: Rest in Peace, Dad….

March 28 to April 12

We had planned to fly to Iowa on Thursday but moved it to Wednesday when my son Scott called to say the doctor wasn't hopeful Dad would last long and they would try to keep him alive until we got there. Scott arrived a few days before we did.

I was still sick (started out as a cold and progressed to a full-blown sinus infection and bronchitis.) I had taken JIC antibiotics with me and I think they helped the sinus infection, but the bronchitis hung on. They took a chest x-ray, but it was negative. He gave me some mucous cough stuff and an inhaler and said to come back if I didn’t feel better. It’s the first time I have ever been ready to get off a cruise ship. Luckily, it was the end of the cruise and not the beginning.

I knew Dad was not doing well as I spent many hours on the phone and emails with doctors, my son and Dad while on the cruise. We had planned to visit later in the year after we started our next RV adventure, but that plan quickly changed.

So, 2 days after returning home after being gone for 2 months we fly to Iowa. All 3 of us went to the hospital to see Dad in Critical Care and all 3 of us were astounded at how alert he was. I hadn’t talked to him where I could understand him in quite some time and Scott said he hadn’t seen him coherent since he was back there (several days ahead of us) I guess he had a rally with the excitement of all of us being there, because as the evening wore on, he went back to not being able to talk.

Dad’s neighbor found him on the floor and called 911. (she could tell when he had lights on when they normally would not be on and she would check on him) Thank you Verla!

This all started when he had his gallbladder removed and was sent to long term care for 5 weeks. He was getting worse instead of better and was sent back to the hospital. He had sepsis and despite treating it aggressively, the infection was not responding. On top of that he hadn’t been able to eat or drink for quite some time and had lost over 30 lbs. They put in a feeding tube the day before we got there.

His palliative doctor called me to set up an appointment for all of us to discuss options. He also said that they discovered he had advanced cancer of his bile ducts. Dad seemed fairly coherent during the meeting, but not sure he understood much of what was said. He had a non-cancerous tumor; sclerosing mesenteritis and I think he thought that was now cancerous. The doctor tried to get him to understand this was a new thing and that he didn’t recommend treatment. (if he could get well from the sepsis)

By Friday I was so much sicker that I went to urgent care at the same hospital where dad was. I was diagnosed with pneumonia in my left lower lobe after another CXR. I was having major fever and chills and the cough was worse. (not sure how it could have been, but it was) So, I got antibiotics and was told to wear a mask and stay 6 feet away from Dad in the hospital.

Saturday morning, I got a call from the doctor saying he didn’t feel Dad would last another 24 to 48 hours. He was looking worse and they couldn’t get on top of the infection. Plus, even if they did get the infection under control, the cancer would be ugly. He said we should talk about hospice. We scheduled a meeting with Dad and the 3 of us that morning. I told Dad the doctor was going to come in and talk to us about hospice. He said “oh, good” We had him sent to hospice that afternoon. At that point, it didn’t matter that I wore a mask or stayed 6 feet away.

8 days later early on Saturday morning April 7 he passed. For the most part he didn’t even know we were there except for Wednesday night he had one last rally. He sat up and was watching a baseball game with us and was joking about ordering a pizza. He even drank an entire Coke. (no pizza) It made him kind of sick, but he sucked it down. He faded and that was the last we got to talk to him.

He is in a better place and will suffer no longer.

As an aside to this saga: I wanted nothing more than to sleep with the pneumonia, but we had so many things to accomplish before he passed. We should be able to avoid probate since we got my name on both bank accounts and did a quit deed on the house. (everything was left to me in the will and I was his power of attorney)

My son Scott was a god-send, as Dad's house should have been condemned. He lived like a homeless man with 9 cats only in a house. (only 3 cats left at this time) There were no contents in the house we could salvage. The smell was so bad it required masks to go in. We got a huge dumpster and Scott filled it. (could have used another one probably) Many things were picked up by the regular trash pickup. So sad, but he refused to leave the house. Everyone said if they don't want to go you can't force them. Perhaps going to court.... There were important papers we had to keep and they of course are covered in cat pee and poo. They are in baggies and sealed. (we used gloves to do it)

Dad had given Scott his Kettle Korn concession trailer and he rented a U-Haul to drive it back to Arizona.

My favorite photo of the 2 of them doing Kettle Korn at the Wright County Fair in Eagle Grove.

Dad’s childhood friend Bud was doing a lot of things for Dad before we got there. Dad was behind a couple of months on bills. Had the money, just didn’t pay them. Bud was trying to get title 19 (medicaid) set up for dad if he needed long term care. He was a big help. He also went into his house (Dad always left it unlocked) looking for bills that needed paying and anything needed for filing taxes. He found the awful mess and was determined that Dad wouldn’t go back to that house under any conditions. He said he’d have his driver’s license revoked if needed. He set up someone to come in and capture the 3 cats that were left. (we never had to tell dad since he passed) Literally everything was thrown out. Bud found a substantial amount of cash just shoved in a drawer and he grabbed that and the shot gun he found by his bed. He found some silver and papers and kept them in his safe until we got there. He didn’t want to over-step, but we assured him he did the right thing and thanked him.

Bud also wanted to officiate his services at the chapel at the funeral home and at the gravesite. He did a wonderful job as they had been friends since they were 5. The local VFW also came and were the pallbearers and did a military salute and played taps and fired the shots at the gravesite. Without them, we would have been the only people at the funeral. 4 people came to the viewing. It was a horrible snowy day and most folks wouldn’t go out in it and to be honest, most people he knew are dead. He had no friends really, just Kettle Korn folks. It was a simple funeral for a simple, yet complex man.

I felt so bad that I couldn’t be more help with the house, but my lungs couldn’t handle the smell without major coughing. I only spent 2 half days in there. Greg helped Scott with some of the heavy lifting, but Scott really worked for many days wading through the mess. Greg & I spent most of our time running around trying to get his affairs in order. We left last Thursday (April 12) and got the house put on the market on Wednesday and had our final appointment with the attorney.

Here are a few of my favorite photos of Dad